Wufei's Video Night

These were the rules: Ten five-dollar bets. Whoever made the least in winnings would be designated driver. 

Result? Wufei. 

It is always Wufei. 

It doesn’t matter if it is poker, horses, the goddamn weather on a given day, he’s never lucky when it comes to gambling. 

And as Duo points out, Wufei can’t fucking drink and hates bars anyway, so this is karma’s way of maintaining the natural party order. 

Or as Quatre (more sympathetically) points out, Wufei doesn’t strictly speaking have to join in on the betting. Wufei reminds himself of this frequently, but Barton and Yuy are unholy terrors when it comes to pushing his buttons and anyway, here they all are. 

Saturday night. 7pm. 

 

The line up: 

1) Daddy’s Shoes; a home away from home for Duo and Heero, generally not too crowded and cheap enough to pre-game heavily before moving onto anywhere more expensive. The name is misleadingly exciting for how tame it is. 

2) The Bullring. Mega-bar. Bars with no fewer than six bartenders behind them, set in an oval around a heaving morass of tables and a central stage. Live music on Saturdays, although Duo is already bitching about the setlist. 

3) TBC, depending on sobriety and timing. Possibly Bar Riga, Houdini’s if there’s still money in the bank, or the Junction if they fancy slumming it. Definitely NOT Sugar, no matter how much Barton pesters. Not after last halloween. Wufei’s fairly sure at least one of them is barred. 

4) Big Wave Karaoke. Old staple; free-flowing all you can drink offer; probably shots. 

5) They’ll all be drunk so Wufei’s choice, depending on what they bitch for. Possibly Taco Sam’s, definitely not Easy-Wok. 

 

Voyeurs to this boy’s night out- the ladies, occupying a not-so-secret WhatsApp group. It is not intended for this express purpose, but it keeps Wufei sane and he’s generous with his blackmail material. 

 

Besides, Dorothy is a solid gold hook-up for gossip from the other side and turnabout is fair play. 

​

This evening;

Relena, saddled with the delights of a policy review. Ensconced at Chez Darlian, no doubt up to the chin in fuzzy bathrobe and manilla envelopes by 7:30PM at the latest. Ardent follower. 

Catherine, knocked back several hours due to timezones, thus running mid-afternoon chores throughout this debacle. 

Sally, on night duty. Should probably not be checking her phone as much as she will be. 

Dorothy, a lady of mystery. Her doings are her own business, Chang, and he can damn well keep his nose out if he likes how it looks. 

Hilde, on the long haulage run between Earth and the bum end of L3. The ship’s on autopilot, but that doesn’t necessarily allow the driver’s seat to be empty. 

Une, not officially invited, invisible, and will scarcely dare breathe on the chat in case Yuy realises she’s there, but very much enjoy it all anyway. 

____

Cathy B

Hey, what have I missed?

 

Relena Darlian

Nothing. Although I spilt cocoa on one of my papers. Whoops. Nothing vital at least. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

So that’s why you can’t put that kind of engine in like that the weight would just crush the axels

 

D.C.

More reason to have a big car.

 

Cathy B

They haven’t gone out yet? I’ve lost track of what time it is over there. 

 

D.C.

I thought you had a watch set to European Standard?

 

Cathy B

I HAD a watch. Dropped it in a water bucket when I was cleaning the stable. 

 

Relena Darlian

Wufei hasn’t come online yet to say what’s happening. Maybe they’re already at the first bar. 

 

D.C. 

What a glamorous life you lead

 

Cathy B. 

Get as big a car as you want Dorothy. My truck will still make scrap of it in a head to head

 

D.C.

I love it when you get rough with me

 

Hilde Schbeker

It’s only 7pm Cathy so also way too early for you to be flirting Dorothy

 

D.C. 

I had a business lunch. There was a lot of wine involved. 

 

Relena Darlian

That was hours ago! 

 

D.C. 

…TWO business lunches. 

 

Relena Darlian

You are a liar Dorothy Catalonia.

 

Relena Darlian

How is the Finance Minister, incidentally?　

 

D.C.

Nowhere near as sober as I am.  

____

 

[Video]

Wufei, speaking from off camera, wandering around a kitchen; various shots of the counter. We haven’t left yet. The peacocks are still fluffing in the bathroom. Do you want to see? They’ve been in there for I don’t know… a geological era or two. 

The camera leaves the kitchen passes down a short hall to where light spills through a doorway. Loud noises of a hairdryer and tap running at the same time. 

Wufei, over the noise: Say hello. 

Duo, toothbrush in his mouth: Fuck offffff- fuck. Hastily mops toothpaste foam off his chest.

Wufei: Smooth. Aren’t you two ready yet? 

Trowa, turning hairdryer off: Perfection can’t be rushed. 

Wufei: It can be dragged to the car. 

Trowa: A ha ha ha. That’s funny because it’ll never happen. 

Wufei: Don’t aggravate the man who will be responsible for your dumb ass when it’s too drunk to tell which way is home. 

Trowa: Perfection maybe needs five more minutes?  

_____

 

Hilde Schbeker

Lmao omg anyone else get as far as fluffing and wonder what the heck was going to happen?

 

Cathy B.

Oh god. 

 

Relena Darlian

Hilde!

 

Hilde Schbeker

DID YOU?

 

Chang Wufei

Why?

 

D.C.

No one tell him

 

Chang Wufei

Tell me what?

 

Cathy B

Hilde how can you talk about fluffing and then use heck just say fuck like everyone else 

 

Chang Wufei

What’s wrong with ‘fluffing’? 

 

Hilde Schbeker

Just trying to stay classy cathy. Fluffing is a porno thing Wufei

 

Chang Wufei

I see. 

 

Cathy B

Every day is an education Wufei. More to the point are we going to mention the fact that -Relena- knew about fluffing?

 

Relena Darlian

I didn’t. I just had the sense to Google rather than ask. 

 

D.C.

How did that work out for you?

 

Relena Darlian

I have safe-search turned on. No regrets. 

______

 

[Video]

Image of Heero slouched in a lounge chair, looking bored. 

Wufei: So far I have one, image pans to Quatre in another chair, waving, two people ready to leave. Raising his voice Duo can’t find any of his shit- AGAIN. And we’ve lost Trowa. 

Quatre, off camera: He went to change his shoes because it’s going to rain later.

Wufei, sighing: Of course he did. Please note, Heero is currently my favourite because he didn’t bother to get changed at all. Drink that in. Image pans over Heero, who is wearing slightly battered looking jeans, but the usual tank top. Heero vaguely gestures to himself for the benefit of the camera.

Heero: It’s just a bar.

Quatre: You should at least take a coat. It’s going to rain later. 

Heero, with a dead stare into the camera: No. 

Quatre: How come I’m not your favourite? I was really quick. 

Image pans back to Quatre. There is a pause.

Wufei: Because every damn shirt you own is really pink. 

____

 

Relena Darlian

Tell that boy to take a jacket!!

 

Cathy B

Trowa walks around half naked most the time he’ll be fine. 

 

Cathy B

They’re made of rocks. 

 

D.C.

Oh ho ho ho does he now

 

Relena Darlian

Wufei tell Heero I say he should take a jacket. 

 

Chang Wufei

I’m not wasting my breath. 

 

Cathy B

Shut it

 

Chang Wufei

???

 

Cathy B

Not you

 

D.C.

Oh ho ho ho 

 

Chang Wufei

Maxwell finally found whatever the fuck he was looking for, we can leave the house. 

 

Relena Darlian

At least put an umbrella in the car?

___

[Photograph]

The exterior of a small bar set at the corner of the street. A neon sign blazes, just about legible with the words ‘Daddy’s Shoes’.  

____

Hilde Schbeker

Its all gone very quiet

 

Hilde Schbeker

Did you all go? :(

 

Relena Darlian

I’m still here. Sorry, trying to process all these documents. How are you <3

 

D.C.

Still here. Nothing interesting will happen until Barton’s had shots. Speaking of, are we laying bets on?

 

Cathy B

It’s not a bet that stupid beanpole will get in a bar fight 

 

Cathy B

That’s a guarantee 

 

Cathy B

Brb gotta unload the truck

 

Hilde Schbeker

I bet they’re going to stop for shawarma on the way home. Duo was going on about shawarma earlier this week and he’s a hungry drunk. 

 

D.C. 

No dice. Wufei hates shawarma. 

 

Relena Darlian

I’ve never seen any of them eat shawarma

 

Hilde Schbeker

Who hates shawarma????

 

Relena Darlian

Wait, I’ve seen Quatre and Heero eat kebabs once.  

 

Hilde Schbeker

WHO HATES SHAWARMA???

_____

[Video]

Wufei, sitting down with a sigh in a banquette of a pub. General loud hubbub going on.

Wufei: We’re in the second bar. Uh… The Derry. They have a pool table. They sell drinks by the pint, the shot, or the pitcher. Duo has bought… all of the above. Holds up a set of keys. Already dropping his shit everywhere.

Wufei pauses

Wufei: I’m waiting for Heero to realise we’re not in The Bullring, but he’s had about three- is jostled three uh…

Quatre slowly wriggles into shot next to him.

Quatre: Hii waving at the camera. Slow blinking.

Wufei: … Hello. What are you doing, hm?

Quatre, pressing his cheek against Wufei’s to squeeze into the frame more: Cheeeese!

Wufei: I’m not taking a picture.

Quatre: reaches up and pats Wufei’s other cheek. Smile!

Wufei looks at the camera. Gives up. Smiles.

___

 

S. Po

Evening all. I see things are off to a good start!

 

Relena Darlian

Sally!! <3<3<3 

 

D.C. 

Winner is already getting drunk and soppy. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

Hey Sally! 

 

S. Po

Haha hope you don’t mind. I have company. Noin’s with me.

 

Relena Darlian

Lucrezia!!! <3<3<3

 

Cathy B

Back. Just watched the vid. Aww. 

 

D.C.

How come I never get greeted ‘Dorothy!!<3<3<3’???

 

Relena Darlian

I see you all the time. Constantly. 

 

D.C. 

Charming. 

___

[Video]

Image, Duo sitting on a bar stool by the pool table effusively talking to Heero, idly feeling at his own right shoulder.  Background- Trowa and Quatre playing pool. loud music, none of the conversation can be heard. Heero is nodding along, already half toasted. 

Duo’s hand now patting at his right shoulder, feeling around. Suddenly, more urgently, looking for something. Duo looking around his shoulder, clearly mouthing ‘the fuck?!’ in a panic. 

Heero reaches out and tweaks Duo’s braid. On the left shoulder. Duo grabs it. And relax. 

Wufei: This dumbass keeps loosing his own fucking hair. 

____

 

[Video]

Image of the alley behind the bar, maybe. Mostly just an expanse of brick wall filmed from a distance and Trowa and Duo stood in front of it.Their conversation is blurred out to nothing by the music in the background, but it’s some kind of friendly argument. Duo is gesticulating at length, Trowa is listening, but evidently doesn’t believe a word of it. He’s amused. He unfolds his arms as Duo gets ever more passionate in his rant. Trowa shifts his weight to one leg, and extends the point of his other foot like a dancer. Duo is reaching the pinnacle of his oration. The image shakes slightly as Wufei chuckles. 

Slowly, Trowa lifts his leg. And lifts it. And keeps going. Duo starts stumbling his words, distracted, and then grinds to a complete halt as Trowa completes his vertical splits.  

A short pause before Duo throws his arms up in the air. 

Duo: What kind of fucking argument is that!??

____

[Video]

Image of the ally behind a bar, dumpsters parked against a tall, old, wooden fence, slight view of a fire escape and about half of Trowa in shot. Unintelligible background shouting, muffled thumping music.

Image swivels to Wufei’s face, judgey af. He shakes his head slightly at the camera. 

Image swivels back to the alley. The fence starts shaking. Duo appears from the nearside running on top of the fence, gets three of four paces before pitching over sideways with a yelp and vanishing over the other side of the fence. 

Trowa, out of shot, laughing his ass off. 

Wufei, calling out: I’m not driving you to A&E! 

____

[Video]

Wufei, whispering: Leaving the second bar. Footage of a street, lit, the others ambling along ahead of him, Duo expounding on something to Trowa. Any minute now…Ladies and Gentleman, the Maxwell Dance.

Duo feels at his left buttock then the right buttock, then back to the left but inside the jeans pocket this time. Repeat on the right. Stops to pat down his chest, wriggles around to get his hands in his front jeans pockets, takes them out again. Flaps open one side of his jacket, delves a hand in, elbow chicken-flapping. Throws his hands up and stamps.

Duo: The fuck? Again!? Argghhh! Fuck! 

Wufei, whispering, pans down to his hand, holding a wallet: He left it on the bar.

___

[Photograph]

A queue outside of a black box nightclub, trailing down the street. The sign is black and white - Houdini’s. Pink lights twinkle here and there across the front of the building. 

____

[Photograph]

Photo of Quatre standing against a poster advertising a DJ. The top half of it is pink and the lower half is dark, maybe black. His outfit blends with it almost perfectly. 

Caption: We have a chameleon in our midst.

____

 

D.C.

Why are they hanging around on the street?

 

Cathy B.

You’re kidding right? They have to line up to get in.

 

D.C.

…Like at school? Why not just go to the, Oh I don’t know… The Door? 

 

Cathy B. 

Words are failing me right now.

 

Hilde Schbeker

They’re probably not on the door list. If you try and go to the door and you’re not on the list, then they stop you. 

 

D.C.

There’s a list? I just walk through the door. No one’s ever tried to stop me.

 

Relena Darlian

That’s because even bouncers value their lives. 

 

Cathy B.

Must be nice. I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere they let me just walk through the door. 

 

D.C.

Outrageous. 

 

D.C. 

You’re a goddam VIP Catherine Bloom and don’t you forget it.

 

Cathy B.

(;w;)

_____

[Video]

Somewhat shaky footage; the camera’s being jostled by a crowd who are gathering around a dance floor, music is blaring. Trowa is visible above the crowd. The camera pushes it’s way through the last few people to the front. Trowa is visibly pissed off, squaring up to a stranger - typical nightclub dudebro, white t-shirt, new jeans. Various onlookers getting riled up. 

Wufei, shouting above the noise, but otherwise very calm: So, this is unfortunate…

Dudebro is shouting and posturing.

Wufei: Honestly, not sure who I’m cheering for. Crowd’s with the fratboy, I think. Money’s down on Trowa for starting it. Every time… Ah, yeah, there’s Quatre.

Camera zooms beyond the fight to Quatre on the sidelines, anxiously trying to wave Trowa away from trouble

Wufei:  Dumbass flirt. Zooms back to Trowa. Dumbass hero complex. Pans to the dudebro. Dumbass in general. 

Duo, off camera: Dude, you gonna break this up? That guy’s gonna get hurt. Should I get in there?

Wufei: Yeah, I know. No. I’ll sort it out. Jostling. Image pans to Heero also watching the fight. He’s blank-faced and red-eyed; he’s drunk. Heero, go get Trowa.  

Heero grunts. He walks through the crowd, across the dance floor. Without pausing just bodily picks Trowa up over his shoulder before anyone can react and carts him off, Quatre scuttling behind apologising.

Duo, off camera: …You’re a good pal, Wufei.

Wufei: I try.

___

 

Cathy B.

I called it. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

I’m dying.

 

S. Po

Remind me to call on Heero next time I need my carpet moving.

 

D.C.

Oh ho ho ho ho

 

S. Po

NOT LIKE THAT. 

 

D.C.

I’m screaming. Oh Sally-

 

Relena Darlian

I’m always surprised Quatre causes so much trouble. He’s so prim when he’s sober.

 

D.C.

As prim as one gets when you own an army and have killed people. 

 

Relena Darlian

You know what I mean!

 

D.C

Winner’s devious. Never underestimate him. Angel in the streets, demon in the cockpit/bar. 

 

S. Po.

No comment on his sheets?-L

 

D.C.

He’s never let me near them. 

​

Hilde Schbeker

I’m dying. Sally’s right. Tro looked like a big roll of carpet over Heero’s shoulder hahaha

 

D.C.

Hilde, have you ever moved anyone’s carpet?

 

Hilde Schbeker

Don’t think so? I don’t really deal with that kind of stuff. Helped a man move his trunk once? 

 

Cathy B

Oh sweetheart. No. 

 

D.C.

I Am ScreAMinG! 

___

 

[Video]

Wobbling image of a dashboard that rights as the camera is juggled in one hand. 

Wufei: So we just left Houdini’s. Just to recap; I have a car full of idiots. Trowa is competing for the gold medal as we speak. 

Image swivels to the right to the empty passenger seat and then back to Wufei’s face. 

Wufei: If found, please return when sober. Meanwhile, this idiot-

Camera swivels to the backseat, Duo slouched in the corner, head agains the window. 

Duo: Noooo…

Wufei: Say it.

Duo: Nooo……

Wufei: Say it, or I’ll stop the car.

Duo: I fell in a biiiiin…. (giggling from out of shot, not Wufei)

Wufei: This idiot fell in a bin. From a fence. And this idiot-

Camera moves down one to Heero, red-eyed and drunk-glazed. 

Wufei: Where’s your napkin, Heero?

Heero slowly raises a hand dangling a paper napkin. More giggling out of shot. 

Wufei: That’s got the answer, right? To the meaning of life? 

Heero, seriously: Yes. 

Camera swivels back to Wufei’s face.

Wufei: It’s written in pool chalk, and all it says is ‘eggs’. And Quatre, tell us, what did you do at the last bar?

Camera turns on Quatre, who is absolutely fucking delighted with himself. He holds up three fingers, almost falling out his seat. 

Quatre: I got FOUR!

Image returns to Wufei. He shakes his head. A real, ‘you see what I have to deal with?’ expression.

Quatre, off-screen: Four numbers! And a dollar!

Wufei: Four numbers and a dollar. Fuck it, we’re going to Karaoke.

____

 

Hilde Schbeker

God why don’t we ever go to karaoke?

 

D.C.

None of you can sing.

 

Hilde Schbeker

None of THEM can sing

 

S. Po.

Wufei can sing.

 

Relena Darlian

Sorry, what? 

 

Cathy B

I always suspected he took part at karaoke but the evidence always mysteriously absent so I assumed he was awful. 

 

S Po. 

Nope. He got drunk at the end of year party we had and some of the juniors goaded him into doing karaoke and turned out the joke was on them. He’s actually pretty good. 

 

Relena Darlian

What did he sing?

 

S. Po. 

That was the funniest thing. They set him up with some old rap song. You know the kind. Fast, lots of swearing. 

 

S. Po. 

Word. Perfect. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

Ok that’s nice but when are WE doing karaoke?

 

S. Po.

I could do karaoke -L

 

Cathy B. 

I’m down if I can make it. 

 

D.C. 

I’ll send helicopters for you if you can’t. 

 

Relena Darlian

Yeah, we’re making this girl’s night happen. I’ve opened a share calendar. Everyone enter dates. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

YEssssssssss

____

 

[Video]

Image of a parking lot at night, viewed through the windscreen of the car. Perspective tilts slowly to show the sign of a fast-food restaurant. 

Wufei, hoarse: We got drive-through. Also, look what the cat dragged to karaoke. 

Pans to show Trowa in the front seat, mouth full of taco. He frowns. 

Wufei: Kids, everyone having a good time in the back?

Pans to show the backseat, Duo scowling over his takeout, elbowing Heero’s hand away. 

Duo: C’mon man, stop. I’m trying to eat. Both of you. Quit it! 

Heero, with the voice of death: Give me the sweet potato fries. 

Wufei (of out shot), sighs.: Quatre’s being good. Pans to Quatre perched on the edge of the seat, picking food from the bag in his lap. Don’t spill chipotle in my car. 

Quatre, giggling, licking sauce from his fingers, sing-song: I won’t, Wufeiii-

Wufei: You behave. 

Quatre, fluttering eyelashes: Wufeiiii- Reaches across the space

The image jostles to show the ceiling of the car.

Wufei, out of shot, urgently: No- you’re sticky! 

​

____

 

[Video]

A parking lot, exterior to the car but clearly filmed through the open front passenger door. Everyone except Wufei is sitting on a low wall, still eating, mostly slowly, mostly hunched over a bit. 

Wufei: So SOMEONE spilt chipotle in my car so now we have to sit in the cold.

Quatre: I’m sorry! 

Wufei: Bad children do not get to eat in my car. Only I get to eat in the car. Pans down the wall to Trowa. Image pauses, Trowa looks incredibly grumpy, taco lolling from one hand. Are you ok, Trowa? 

Trowa, leaning on his hand, a touch muffled, Fine. 

Wufei: Sure?

Trowa: I’m just fucking hungry… why can’t we get tacos?

Wufei: You’re holding a taco right now. 

Trowa looks at his hand, at the taco, at Wufei, at the taco again. 

Trowa: This is real?

____

 

[Video]

More footage shot from the open front passenger door, but a different location. A kerbside. The indicator is flashing orange and clicking. Heero is crouched over his own knees at the gutter, Wufei next to him. Heero makes a little retching motion. 

Duo, muffled from the back: Did he actually yak?

Quatre, likewise: I don’t wanna look.

Wufei is talking to Heero, bent over slightly with his back to the camera, hand on Heero’s shoulder, bottle of water in his other hand. Heero shakes his head. The camera zooms in a bit. More talking. The camera zooms in, and in, and in, until Wufei’s butt fills the screen. 

A blur

Wufei, off camera, yelling from a distance: Can you NOT? 

Trowa laughing

____

Hilde Schbeker

Anyone still awake? Oh my god, have you seen these vids?

 

Cathy B. 

I’m still here. I think Relena fell asleep. Don’t know about the rest. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

Your clown is a riot.

 

Cathy B.

I know. The big lug. We’re very fond of him. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

God I want tacos now. 

 

Cathy B.

Haha I’m making dinner. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

Oooh what’s cookin good-lookin? 

 

Cathy B. 

Leftover hash and beans. I’ll drown out the taste with beer. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

I’m eating a marshmallow teacake, and I’ve got one of those easy-heat baggies of rice n peas. 

 

Cathy B. 

Shit, who needs Michelin stars huh? 

____

[Video] 

A poorly lit shot of Wufei’s face. He’s changed clothes, some kind of thick sweater. It’s indoors, he’s sat, curled up on something, a sofa maybe.

Wufei: It’s about… five? In the morning? We’re home. Rubs his eyes. No one actually puked. No one had to be carried into the house, Maxwell, you think I’ve forgotten last Halloween? I have not. Looks tiredly at the camera. Anyway. Kids are all in bed. They were good. No arguments. Two even cleaned their teeth. Which is… I don’t think that’s ever happened. Scratches his jaw. And I’m just…pauses. A door creaks somewhere off-camera…waiting… 

Soft sound of footsteps. Vague shape of someone approaching the sofa. 

Quatre, out of shot, sad voice: I want a glass of water…

Wufei, mouthing at the camera: There’s always one.

____

 

Hilde Schbeker

Are they all good now?

 

Chang Wufei

I think they’re asleep. I’m not going in to check. 

 

Chang Wufei

Maxwell ate two bean burritos. 

 

Cathy B. 

Jesus. Crack a window. 

 

Chang Wufei

Too much effort. They'll survive. Barton survived space. 

 

S. Po. 

How come you’re still awake? You should get some sleep. 

 

Chang Wufei

I’m waiting for my ears to stop ringing. Everything was very loud…

 

Cathy B. 

Well I’m going to hit the hay in 10. It’s been fun, guys. 

 

Hilde Schbeker

Night Cathy. I might go do a round of the ship then my cargo checks. Noodles!

 

Chang Wufei

???

 

Hilde Sheibeker

*Toodles

 

Chang Wufei: 

???

 

S. Po. 

Go to sleep Chang.

 

Chang Wufei

Ugh. Good night. 

 

S. Po. 

Good morning you mean :)

 

Chang Wufei

U g h

___

 

[Video]

Apartment interior near front door, the camera is moving as someone walks, holding it in front of them. Sound of bare feet on hard wood. 

Wufei: It is Saturday morning… mail’s here. Grabs letters from the floor and tosses them onto a side table. Moving purposefully through the apartment. 

Wufei: and… it’s just about eight A.M. pushes open a door into a dark room, there’s a vague shape of a bed and some lumps strewn around on it and on the floor. Camera moves straight towards the window.

Wufei, flinging back the curtains: And it is a beautiful day! Immediate unintelligible background yelling.

Camera swivels to all four other pilots writhing. Camera shakes. 

Wufei, laughing: RISE, WORMS!

____

 

[Video]

Duo, off camera: Will you put the fucking phone down for two minutes and just eat? 

Image of a plate, gently steaming. Buttermilk pancakes generously topped off with fluffy scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, the works. Looks professional. 

Wufei: I will, I’m just impressed, considering the state of the chef.

Duo, groaning. Camera pans to Duo opposite, grey-faced, bundled in his hoodie, lethargically pushing eggs into his mouth. 

Duo: Nooo…Pulling his hood over his eyes. You should never look at the chef. Don’t look at the kitchen. Just eat the pancakes you’re given.  

Wufei: Sound life advice for the ages. 

___

 

[Video] 

Image too dark and blurry to make out. Snickering, hastily muffled. Someone saying ‘shhh!’ The image clears as a hand is removed from the lens. The hallway of the house, near the living room door.

Duo, whispering: Ok, ok, no you stay here or you’ll ruin it. 

Trowa, likewise: No, I won’t.

Duo: Yes you will, clown feet. Just stay. Image wobbles slightly as Duo puts out a hand and very gently opens the living room door. The room is sunny, 

Duo, whispering so quietly he’s barely audible: It’s about 11. Someone’s finally switched off…he eases through the doorway, and tilts the camera round enough to show Wufei, dozed off in an armchair, book slipping from his fingers. Stifled giggling from Duo. Image pans to his hand; he’s holding a squirt bottle. And a 3-2-uh!

Image wobbles mightily, and then refocusses on Quatre, on the outside of the living room window, glaring like the living death. 

Duo, weakly: or er…

___

[Photograph]

Wufei still in the armchair flat asleep, except someone’s now left a blanket over him and put the book to one side. 

Caption: We decided he’s earned a break. 

___

END OF RECORDED LOG